By Natalie Floacist Stewart
My biggest fear has been fear itself. Sounds corny I know,
but true nonetheless. I feared not being liked, by those that I wanted to like
me. I feared being misunderstood, by the people that I wanted to understand me.
I feared not being loved, by the people that I wanted to love me. And I feared
failure, as I felt that failure was an outcome made possible by one of the
above three fears being made manifest. I didn't get over these fears through
avoidance. I got over (am getting over) these fears by experiencing them. By
having the real time insperience of them. At first I attempted to deny them. Then to fight them, then to try and fix them.
And then finally, when I was too tired and tangled and alone to do anything
other than align my energy...that was when I finally began to accept.
I accepted the reality that I do not need to be liked, understood
or loved, externally. That's not denying
that the unification of twin souls is an experience to be enjoyed when it is
harmonious, and to be learnt from when it is imbalanced. This is simply a
realization that acceptance is better than cure.
Embracing reality, rather than becoming addicted to illusions.
Wanting the truth, rather than depending on lies, half truths and twisted
logic. When I began to accept life for what it is, rather than attempting to
control and tame the wild nature of evolution and expression, I entered my
Shrine seat. Once my Shrine seat was located, I was then able to be seated for
the first time since the divine innocence of my childhood.
And yes, everyday distractions are dangled close enough to
draw one’s attention and far away enough to lead self off track. I accept that.
And I also accept that it is possible to drop the dependency on excuses and
externalized reasons for remaining imbalanced. It makes it easier to focus.
More fluidity. More clarity. More self-awareness.
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